My Precious
by Vegela
Summary: When J.D. looses something precious he almost can't bear to lose the only other thing he needs to keep going. But what if he looses that as well? Will he be able to handle it? Major JDA in later chapters, so review to keep me going!
1. Loss is a powerful word

A/N: I don't own Scrubs. Okay, on with the story

Chapter 1: Loss is a Powerful Word

By: Vegela

_It had only been about five minutes but it felt like an eternity. Dr. Cox is sitting next to me with a look of relief. Is he just as worried as I am? Probably not, but it sure is nice to think this way. Turk and Carla are out of town right now, they'd went to Turk's hometown to finally show off their baby. They're really great parents, especially Carla. She'd gotten over her depression and now I think she's more thrilled of having Isabella than Turk. Who am I kidding? Turk's crazy over her. Well anyways Elliot had tried to stay with Dr. Cox and I but wasn't helping anyone because she's crying more than I am. Come to think of it, I haven't cried since Dr. Cox came into the cafeteria. I didn't want to show him that I'm weak in times like this. I can handle this on my own. Besides, I don't need him calling me a girl's name. Especially when my girl is in the ICU right now; I had just declared her stable not even ten minutes ago. _

Earlier That Day

"I'm telling you J.D., I'm taking the job whether you come with me or not."

"I'm not going, I told you that. But why would you do this to our kid?"

"It's not even born yet, why do you care anyways? You're the one who almost had me convince abortion was the way to go," Kim yelled at J.D. over the phone. She was driving towards the airport, "why don't you just stay out of our lives becau…"

All J.D. heard next was screaming and the screeching of car tires until the other line just…hung up.

"Melinda! Melinda!" a _very_ familiar voice brought J.D. out of his stupor, "Its about time Sarah, here I'd thought you were over the break up with the 'man of your dreams', it seems that the gossip was wro-"

"Kim's dead," J.D. stated emotion not present in his voice as he walked right past Dr. Cox towards the emergency room. He didn't know where Kim was but he knew she'd end up there.

"Oh…" Dr. Cox was speechless, he didn't know if he should antagonize or comfort. Comforting was definitely not his strong point but maybe…oh who was he kidding he couldn't comfort his son so how in the hell was he supposed to handle this.

"Have you seen J.D.?"

"No Barbie I haven't" the kid definitely didn't need her right now

(J.D. POV)

I don't even know where I'm going. I'm supposed to be heading towards the E.R. It's almost dark and I can see lights from an ambulance coming closer through a window. I know it's her.

"You know you're not allowed to do anything while she's in there," Dr. Cox said behind me.

"I know, I just want to see her, how do you know she's alive? Wait! She's Alive? Tell me!"

"Calm down Newbie, I was called by the ambulance driver. You know the one that I had the _pleasure_ of working with a couple years back. Apparently she recognized Kim, how I have no idea. But she said not to get your hopes up. She's pretty bad off."

"….okay," I can't even speak without my voice cracking so I'll decide to be quiet. I can't believe this is happening. Oh God, the baby! The mere thought of the baby brings tears to my eyes but I wipe them away quickly. I'll never hear the end of it if I cry in front of Dr. Cox. That's when I see her, her head's covered in blood and her eyes are open. At first I think she's awake, but med. school rules that out and I know she's brain dead. The EMT's had intubated her and are taking her into the trauma room.

"Newbie let's go to where we can sit down, no use standing around."

"She's pregnant; I need to tell them to keep her alive at all costs."

"Okay, I'll tell them, but you need to sit down before you fall over," Dr. Cox walks away from me towards the trauma room and, not wanting to be yelled at, somehow make my way towards the waiting room.

About ten minutes later Dr. Cox comes in, "She's in surgery right now. They're going to repair everything and try to keep her alive as long as it takes so the baby can be born, but other than that…….Kim's gone.

Kim's gone. That simple two worded statement is what I needed. Clarification. It sounds horrible but I always hated when doctors gave false hope. I've done it a couple of times and I knew it just made the families feel worse when I finally told them the inevitable.

"We should head to the ICU, we need to be ready for when she gets there," Dr. Cox startled me breaking the silence. I guess he doesn't want to be here with me any more than he has to. I really need someone right now, I could call Turk but I don't want to make them come down. I mean I can't _make_ them come down but I just know they would the second I told them. I guess this is a solo emotional recovery team, I just hope I don't lose it.

(Dr. Cox POV)

I don't want to leave the kid but I just couldn't bear the silence anymore. This is too difficult, especially with Newbie, he's way too sensitive, and he'd end up wanting a hug. What the hell am I talking about; anyone going through this would want a hug. I can't understand why the hell he looks up to me. I look inside the window right after I leave Newbie and he's already crying. Is he really that scared to show emotion in front of me? Is he scared I'll call him a girl? I would never do that right now. Maybe I'll ask him about that later. Right now I need to get a room set up for Kim so it'll be ready when she gets out of the OR. I turn around and start walking towards the ICU. I glance back behind me and I see Newbie coming out of the waiting room, wiping his eyes. The kid's in for a rough ride for the next of days, or if Kim lasts long enough months.

(Elliot POV)

Not even two minutes after Kim got here I was told all about the situation. I don't know how long Kim will be in surgery but we're all prepared. J.D. is going to be in charge of I.V. and ventilator duties. We'd tried to convince him to not be involved but Dr. Cox insisted that he should be a part of this. I'm going to be monitoring the baby's vitals and Dr. Cox is on watch for post op. infection. I can't believe this is happening, I just spoke with Kim. She was mad at J.D. for not going with her and she for some compelling reason she chose me to complain to.

"I just don't understand why he doesn't come with me," Kim argued

"You have to understand, J.D.'s whole life is here. His best friend, Carla, hell even Dr. Cox. I'd even like to include myself in the list that consists of his life. You just can't take him away from all of that, we're his family," I pleaded, trying to change her mind about leaving.

"Well now the baby and I are his family."

"It doesn't work that way and you know it."

I just shut her down. All I was trying to do was convince her that she should stay. She took it the complete opposite and took it like I said that no one needed her. J.D. needed…no…needs her. I was the reason she was so angry and distracted.

"I killed her," I blurted out sadly to myself.

"No you didn't," I jump around and see J.D. standing there in the doorway.

"I put her down, I told her you didn't need her," I started crying.

(J.D. POV)

I decided to go ahead and wait in Kim's future room but I stop short in the doorway when I hear…

"I killed her," Elliot whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. I can't let her think she killed Kim.

"No you didn't" she jumped as I spoke.

"I put her down, I told her you didn't need her," I feel my heart break all over again as she starts crying. I take a chance and pull her into a hug.

"I'm sure you didn't mean it that way," I tell her as I rub her back.

beep beep beep

"I'm so sorry Elliot I have to go, my brother's here, I need to go meet up with him. Don't worry…okay," I look into her eyes and she nods. I turn around from her and start walking towards the hospital entrance.

(Elliot POV)

"Well Bravo!" great just who I don't need to see right now, "Bravo Barbie, I was going through my head of all the ways of how one could comfort someone one in a time like this. You really have taken the cake though. I mean what better way to comfort someone than to make them comfort you."

As much as I tried to ignore Dr. Cox's rant I couldn't help but get angry.

"You know what Dr. Cox, I think you're jealous."

"Jealous? Barbie I doubt-"

"Yes, Jealous, because J.D. is stronger than you."

"Now that's just crazy talk."

"Do you know why he's stronger? Because he's able to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and not even stagger," I yelled trying to get into his thick narcistic skull, "you can't even carry your own weight without the help of some form of alcohol."

A/N: Well I think that's a good place to end the first chapter don't you think? Well I'll update as soon as I get about ten reviews. Peace Out!!!


	2. What the hell is going on in my head?

A/N: Well I got two reviews…YAY!!!(thank you to rabid-squirell-3 and anonymous) Well this chapter is going to be different than any of the others I will write. I'm going to do inner monologues of what everyone is thinking in this crisis we all call life. Yeah, well, enjoy!!!

Chapter 2: What the hell is going on in my head?

(Elliot POV)

"Well Bravo!" great just who I don't need to see right now, "Bravo Barbie, I was going through my head of all the ways of how one could comfort someone one in a time like this. You really have taken the cake though. I mean what better way to comfort someone than to make them comfort you."

As much as I tried to ignore Dr. Cox's rant I couldn't help but get angry.

"You know what Dr. Cox, I think you're jealous."

"Jealous? Barbie I doubt-"

"Yes, Jealous, because J.D. is stronger than you."

"Now that's just crazy talk."

"Do you know why he's stronger? Because he's able to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and not even stagger," I yelled trying to get into his thick narcistic skull, "you can't even carry your own weight without the help of some form of alcohol."

"It'd be wise of you to shut up now," the look Dr. Cox gave me shook me to the very core. It wasn't a look of anger or sadness it was a look of…nothing. The sort of look that the murderers that are always interviewed on t.v. have. The look that said "tempt me I dare you". I didn't want to push anymore than I had already so I decided a nice stomp off would suffice. I turn away from Dr. Cox and stomp off as mean looking as I could.

(Dr. Cox)

The second Barbie told me I was weak I snapped. I don't think I've really been that angry since Jordan dropped the bomb on all of us five years ago. The instant she told me that she'd slept with J.D. I ceased all emotion. Me? A usually angry by nature person just stopped feeling, that's the kind of feeling that could kill if pushed. I watch as Barbie "tries" to stomp off and do what _every_ psychologist has told me to do in instances like this. Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…one. I let out the breath I'd been holding and instantly felt…better? Okay maybe those psychologists were right, the count down method does work. I just never really got past seven.

(Dan POV)

I take a deep breath. I just paged Johnny not even a minute ago and I'm already feeling nervous. I hate this big brother to the rescue crap. Ever since the talk we had when Dad died Johnny's been relying on me a lot more. It should be a good thing that we've finally settled our differences but I can't help but wonder if I would of even gotten out of that damned bathtub if it weren't for Dr. Cox. That was an agreement between me and Coxy, "never, ever, EVER, do you tell the kid that this whole thing was my idea" his voice echoes in my head and I shudder. Even though I'm not scared of the whole tough guy act it makes me wonder what he would do if I ever told J.D. that it was his whole idea to gather around Johnny and talk about Dad.

"Dan?" Johnny's voice brings me back from my daydream (I guess it runs in the family).

"Yeah little brother?" I answer Johnny trying my damned hardest to stay "tough".

"You want to come inside, it's like forty degrees out here," ooooohhhh that's why I've been shivering. I nod my head and we walk inside.

(J.D. POV)

I wonder what Dan was thinking about? Not that it's important but I've always wondered what went on inside that appendage he calls his head. I wonder what Kim would be thinking right now if this all didn't happen. I shake my head as I escort my brother to the ICU to meet up with the others. I really don't want to think about Kim right now. I'm not being self-centered, it's just that every time I do the pain in my heart tears me into a dizzy daydream of Kim screaming as she wrecks the car. I haven't even seen the full extent of her injuries yet but based on my daydream she's going to be, well, dead. Dead, that word, like loss, has driven it's definition into my brain. I just need to focus on the baby. We didn't even get a chance to name it yet. Kim had told me a couple of names but they all sucked. I like Michael and Elizabeth. Both names have good nicknames,Mickey and Lizzy, and both are really great adult names too. Just like my name. Only I have no idea how Dr. Cox got Melinda, Brenda, Jill, Sandra, Kendra, and Shakira from John. I'll seriously ask him about that later.

A/N: Okay sorry for the short chapter but I think that possibly the more reviews I get on my story the longer the chapters will be…hint hint. Well, I plan on bringing Turk, Carla, and the adorable Isabella into the next chapter. Oh! If you're wondering why the thoughts of the characters are all scrambled. Have you ever tried writing on paper EXACTLY what you are thinking? You should try it. Also, the reason why J.D.'s thoughts are directed away from Kim is because he doesn't want to think about it. Who'd want to dwell on something painful when you're trying to put up an invincible façade? Well Peace Out!!! REVIEW!!!


	3. Where is he?

A/N: Hey Readers!!! I just want to point out that I've gotten 443 hits on my story and only 4 reviews…WHY!!! This chapter is dedicated to the two that reviewed chapter 2: mstar and rabid-squirell-3!!!

Chapter 3: Where is he?

(J.D. POV)

Kim's now in the ICU, I still haven't seen her yet. I don't want to, ever. I want to remember her the way she used to be. Beautiful and so full of life. Now she's dead. I have a job to do, I have to make sure the ventilator works correctly at all times. I could ask one of the others to do it but I want to feel like I'm helping. That I'm not giving up even though I already did. I'm just so thankful that I still have my child to look forward to. If anything happened I don't know what I'd do.

"Newbie, where's Barbie?" I hear Dr. Cox ask me. I shrug my shoulders and look up at Dr. Cox who's standing in front of me, "Why are you here?" I look around and notice I've been in the stairwell for…I don't even know.

"I don't know?" I start to walk down the stairs to the third floor but he stops me.

"I know this is hard and you don't have to be here right now, you can go-"

"Home?" I finish, "what's there for me there. I have to move now because I can't afford to live there. The place was Kim's and now she's…" I couldn't finish the sentence so I ran up the stairs in the opposite direction of where I was going to go. The roof is where everyone goes to think, except Ted, he goes up there to see if he has the courage to jump. Jump, could I do it, do I even want to.

(Dr. Cox POV)

I decide not to follow Newbie. He needs to be alone right now, I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. No. Newbie would never be that weak. I need to find Barbie, ever since her stomp off I couldn't find her anywhere. The Supply Closet!

(Elliot POV)

So here I am. Crying again. I have no right to cry, J.D. should be crying. I guess I'm crying for him because I haven't seen him cry yet. I need to go check Kim and the baby's vitals soon. They've been in the ICU for about thirty minutes and already the whole ICU is in a depressed state. I don't think I've ever seen Laverne this quiet for this long. Kim affected all of us here, so I'm not surprised.

"Barbie!" Frick! Dr. Cox is on the other side of the door. I quickly wipe the tears off my face, fix my hair and walk out like I'm still angry.

"What do you want?" I huff out.

"Well considering that there's about sixteen patients in here and only four doctors, and well, if ya do the math that makes, now count them with me," Dr. Cox holds up his hand, "one," he holds up one finger, "two," he puts up another finger.

"OKAY! Sheesh, a simple get back to work statement would have sufficed," I stomp off towards Kim's room. When I get there I almost turn around to run away but composed myself and stepped in. She has gauze bandaging all over her. I can't even see her face; all I can see is her lips, which are parted due to the intubator. It's sad knowing she won't ever wake up. I look at the monitor and watch the steady rhythm of her heart. The baby's vitals are quicker but that, of course, is normal. I walk to the other side of Kim's bed and check her IV to make sure she's getting the fluids that she needs.

"Is that Kim?" I hear a male's voice say behind me.

"What are you doing here Dan? Shouldn't you be with J.D.?" I spit out angrily, "I'm sorry, it's just that-"

"Don't worry about it Elliot, besides, I'd be with J.D. right now, but I can't find him," Dan tells me. Why is he being so nice to me, I just yelled at him.

"This is Kim," I answer Dan's question finally after the five minutes of silence we'd just endured.

"Well at least the baby is still alive, I mean it would kill Johnny if he lost the baby too, he used to talk about having kids all the time when we were young. He always wanted a little girl. I think it's because we didn't have a sister but I really think he wanted a kid." Dan looks so sad right now. I walk over to him and give him a hug, which he responds to ten fold.

"Hey Elliot, where's Vanilla Bear?" Turk asks, "We just got back, Dr. Cox called us and said that it was an emergency."

"I don't know where he is, I haven't se-"

"Oh my gosh, Kim!" Carla covers her mouth with her hand and gives Isabella to Turk and walks to the bed. She takes hold of Kim's hand and gasps, "she's…. baby?" Turk looks to Isabella and then looks at me, "what about the baby?"

"The baby's alive," Turk turns around and looks at the newcomer.

"Dr. Cox have you seen Bambi?" Carla asks with tears in her eyes. Her mother-mode in full throttle.

(Dr. Cox POV)

"Yeah, he went up to the roof," I look at Carla, then to Gandhi, the looks on their faces make me instantly regret letting J.D. go up there by himself.

A/N: Well since I've only gotten six reviews on this story, I've decided to update my stories based on how many reviews I get. So literally review to keep me going!!!


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